Raising kids

I do not often brag about my kids on this blog. I certainly could. My wife and I have two of the greatest kids in the world, and we could not be more proud of them. Yet, when it comes to my kids, I often choose to follow the example of Mary, who “was treasuring up all these things in her heart and meditating on them” (Luke 2:19). Today, however, I cannot be silent.

For the last few years, our kids have been involved in the theater program at their school. This has meant participating in two major productions as well as group and individual speech competitions throughout the year. They have loved every minute of it, and we have loved watching them love every minute of it. This past weekend, they were involved in their school’s production of Lightning Thief: The Percy Jackson Musical, and it was absolutely epic.

My wife and I are indescribably proud of all that our kids accomplished in the show itself. Our daughter served as production assistant, a role which had her doing a variety of things behind the curtain. Her passion, though, was designing the show’s sound and operating the sound board. In many ways, this show stretched her. There were more technical elements – mics, music, sound effects, light effects – than any show she had previously done, but she rose to the challenge with great applomb.

Our son played the lead in the show. He was onstage for virtually the entire show, acting and singing. He has always loved singing, but singing for nearly two hours straight was something he has never done before (outside of his bedroom). While I will acknowledge that I am biased, I will say with as much objectivity as I can muster that he knocked it way out of the park.

(There were, of course, other kids in the show as well. This production was a massively ambitious undertaking for a drama department that has been growing over the last few years. I can honestly say that every kid involved did a fantastic job, and the parents and community have every reason to be proud of their accomplishments! This production was truly epic!)

As proud as I am of my kids’ parts in the play, though, I want to share with you the thing that I am most proud of. Opening night, severe weather rolled through the area and forced the cast, crew, and audience to take shelter together. During this time, I watched my son interact with small children and classmates, and I was so proud of his humility, kindness, and grace. After the show was finished, the seniors went to sign their names in the drama department’s paint room. When it was our daughter’s turn, however, she was invited to become the first student to sign the sound booth. Such were her contributions to the program.

Even today, I struggle (unsuccessfully) to hold back the tears when I think of all that I saw in our kids and the praise heaped upon them by others this weekend. My wife and I have always endeavored to instill in our kids the idea that they can be and do anything their heart desires as long as they are kind, generous, honest, hard-working, and faithful. We have told them time and again that they need to be good friends to everyone, even when others are not good friends in return, and at the risk of tooting our horn, this weekend was affirmation that our efforts are working.

This morning, I was reading in Psalm 127:3-5: “Sons [and daughters] are indeed a heritage from the Lord, offspring, a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the sons born in one’s youth. Happy is the man who has filled his quiver with them. They will never be put to shame when they speak with their enemies at the city gate.” As I read those words, I could not help but notice several things.

First, children are a heritage and a reward. That is, they are our most important legacy. Several times this weekend, my wife and I told our kids that we loved them and were proud of them. We have always tried to do this, but how many parents send a different message to their kids? Parents, be deliberate about showing your kids that they are loved and valued. Resist the temptation to treat them as a burden, inconvenience, or roadblock, but treasure them as the heritage, reward, and legacy that they are!

Second, arrows are an interesting tool. Modern sport archers favor aluminum arrows because they are consistently straight and strong, but archers in biblical times had only wooden arrows. Every one of these has a little different bend in it, and when you loose them from the bow, they all flex a little differently. Yet, the skilled archer would deliberately account for the differences in each arrow as they carefully aimed, breathed, and released. So also, each child is unique. They each have different personalities, gifts, and ambitions. The skilled parent will account for these differences and carefully provide the nurture and direction that the child needs, and then that parent will release that child into the world and let him/her fly, confident that he/she will hit the mark.

Speaking of releasing that child, the third thing I noticed was the bit about the filled quiver. When I first read that in verse 5, I was tempted to think that it meant the only way to guarantee a full quiver was to never release an arrow. Consequently, I wondered if the key to happiness was to never release a child into the world. It was at that moment, however, that the Lord whispered into my ear that the expert archer hits his target and then recovers his arrow. Indeed, one could hardly be called an archer – much less a warrior (vs 4) – if one never loosed an arrow! Thus, I realized that true happiness comes only after we release our children into the world and see them hit the mark. Yes, that is scary because there is real risk involved. And yes, there are parents who seek to keep their children forever in their quiver, never releasing them into the world at all. Yet, I have never been more happy than I was this weekend when I saw my kids leaning into their unique giftings, doing things I never could, and hitting their marks.

Speaking of their marks, the final thing I noticed was that the psalmist did not say, “princes are a heritage from the Lord” or “business moguls are a reward.” He did not commend celebrities or professional athletes. Rather, the psalmist said the real blessing was reserved for those parents who “will never be put to shame when they speak with their enemies at the city gate.” The reason they would never be put to shame, even when talking with their enemies, is that they and their children were people of unswervingly excellent character. In this day, many parents are raising kids to value physical attractiveness, money, power, and fame, and the things that go viral on social media show that they are growing up willing to do anything to achieve those things. How many parents should be mortified by the things their kids say and do! Parents, raise your child to value kindness, generosity, integrity, hard work, and faith, and you will never have to worry about such things.

Now, here is the thing. My wife and I cannot yet sound the victory bell. Our kids are still growing up, and we have a few more years before we can pronounce our mission accomplished. Certainly, they are not perfect, and they will undoubtedly make mistakes or hesitate in the years to come. Yet, the most gratifying thing that happened this weekend was being able to see that our aim is (thus far) on target, and we are blessed indeed.